The awakening Part:1

(This post will make more sense if you read the post titled "The Vision" first.)
As I stare at a blank screen my prompt taints me to write, beckons me to conjure words that will be of meaning(This is day 11 of writing this). With every pause the prompt flashes as if to say, "Come on you can do better than that!" My mind runs too fast and my mouth and fingers too slow. How could I possibly put in to words what God has been teaching me? Is there some greater purpose for my feelings? And who cares! Maybe I am afraid of my mind because of what I will find when I get there. Anne Lamott said, the mind can at time feel like "a dangerous neighborhood where you wouldn't want to go alone." But she suggested that "The secret is that God loves us exactly the way we are and that he loves us too much to let us stay like this, and I'm just trying to trust that." So I change, though, I am afraid of what that means. I know I will fail at times but this doesn't surprise me and it surely doesn't surprise God.
So what does it mean to, “Pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on me?” Why do I believe “my feeble whispered faithless prayer” will ever be heard or even answered by the great God almighty? My life has been ruined to live for another, my faith has been shattered to be replaced by a greater and my prayers that where quietly sung in the dark alleys of my soul now see the power that they can carry. But how, no... why does a God so great care for one so small. A broken promise, a whispered prayer, resounding forgiveness. Forgiveness over and over again! To make the move from empty to full can be a daunting task but the unconscious move from full to heavy is even harder to bare. I don't want this move but it comes on me calling my name. "Feel my pain Robby. See those that I love, love them the way I love you. Offer them grace." In your face grace! Nothing you can do about that kind of grace it just happens, like when you fall in love. you can't help with who, it just happens. In this case God can't help but love us, and I, even in my sinful, nasty state, I can't help but love him back. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal. Nations cultures, arts, civilizations-these are mortal and their life is ours as a gnat. But it is with immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-immortal horrors or everlasting splender." So I stop more now to listen istead of talking. Speak to me Father
"Be like me Robby, move with the wind. Love people, conquer evil, boast in me. For I am already the winner." "Mobile like the wind" I don't have a clue as to what my future holds but I can feel it coming, see its effects, rising like the morning sun. I pray that God will guide me through this time. He always has. I know that I can trust him more than I trust myslef. Knowing that my future is "his 3-D". I trust him because there is "more to me than I know." The poet Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote a description of Michelangelo saying, "That was a man beyond measure-a giant- who forgot what the immeasurable was. He was the kind of man who turns to bring forth the meaning of an age that wants to end. He lifts its whole weight and heaves it into the chasm of his heart." A mere man described with such passion? I can only be this type of man with your help Father.

So God, I will meet you wherever you want, walk the longest mile, swim the deepest sea, and climb to the top of the world if that is where I can meet you. I am yours and you are mine. I am mezmorized by your love, lost in your grace and carried away by your hope. I need you know more than ever. There are many doors to choose from but only one that leads to You, Abba. So I come to now, just me, no mask, just the weirdo, freakish Robby. I lay down my life for you so that I may give life to another, that other is myself. I love you!

I just want Him who made me. It is only a matter of time now until his cloud and fire guide me. "Our longing to know who we truly are will never be satisfied until we embrace solitude-not loneliness, that's a different thing-but genuine solitude where we discover that we are TotallyLoved by God."-Brennan Manning So I am going to spend more time with God than I have in the past. With his strength then I can overcome my sins instead of being overcome by them.

Ode to Blue Ice Cream

Blue Ice Cream you are so sweet
Blue Ice Cream you are a special treat
How I long to take you home
but you'd melt in the cone

I wish I could get you anywhere
But only at The Island can you be shared
You are the best ice cream in the world
For you are more precious than any pearl

THE VISION

The poem below was read today at the Underground staff meeting. It really hit me hard. I can truly identify with these words. Maybe you can too. I really don't know how to put into words what I am feeling, afraid? Maybe. I don't know. I can feel something coming though, and I know that it scares me. The force of God and all of His plans for my life scare me. The best way to describe it is... I am coming home. It may be like when your neighbor cooks out. You may not know which way the smell is coming from but at least you are on the right street. I have been gone so long that I have forgotten which house is my Father's. But the crazy thing is that the very same Father I left is waiting for me at the front door, looking for me, beckoning me to find him. I just want to be His son again, whatever that means! I don't think that I have a clue what that truly means. Ready or not here I come. Please let me know if you have any thoughts.

THE VISION
So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this… The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.They wouldn't even notice.They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.What is the vision ?The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.A million times a day its soldiers
choose to loosethat they might one day winthe great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"
And this is the sound of the undergroundThe whisper of history in the makingFoundations shakingRevolutionaries dreaming once againMystery is scheming in whispersConspiracy is breathing…This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ? Can hormones hold them back?Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays
like a dying manwith groans beyond talking,with warrior cries, sulphuric tears andwith great barrow loads of laughter!Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive
inside.
On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed.

Seabird and an amazing night

Last night I ventured out to the Underground to see Seabird. They were amazing! I had loads of fun with all of my friends there. I was thinking as I looked around at all the people at the table where I was sitting, that God truly has blessed me. I have never really had any good friends and I was surrounded by them last night. They aren't just Cindy's friends anymore but they are now mine too. I just think that is cool. It is so good to have Christian friends that want the same things in life as you do. To be able to pursue a closer walk with Christ together is amazing. I don't know what to say, nothing profound here, just my observations. Check out the pics here.

Heavy words, busy lips

I have nothing left to say but by lips keep moving and my heart is still heavy. Help me!

-Sorry