New Job

For those of you who aren't already aware, I got a job. I am now a "sales associate" at Berean Christian Store. So yeah, that's fun! I'm not afraid to work and I could use the extra $$. I had my first day today and it went well. No big hang ups. I even saw some people that I hadn't seen in awhile too. Its not especially hard or even stressful, just long periods of standing. My knees and feet hurt, which I expected. I may explain this stupid reason in later post. :)

God vs. Science

I actually read the TIME article (Nov. 13th Vol. 168 No. 20) this past week, while I was out of town. The full article can be found here. As well as here, on David's blog, where he provides some thoughtful comments, that far outweigh mine. But this is my response to the article.

Thanks to TIME Magazine for once again, in their semi-annual “Nod to God,” acknowledging that there are more things to discuss than politics and war (though a brief look inside the actual magazine proves that the cover is merely ploy to sell more magazines). Though, I am afraid that TIME cannot escape their presuppositions in order to write anything of value. To which I say, “If you want to change the world and influence thought, become a humanitarian, not a Journalist.” It seems that we usually have this backwards.

David I agree with you when you say, “TIME is largely at fault for the mediocre quality of this debate.” The questions were designed to sell magazines and not to stimulate the mind, which causes both Dawkins and Collins to appear less like scholars and more like radicals for a cause. Both men are obviously well educated, but it is apparent that Collins is a Scientist and not a debater (but I will say that I do agree with him on his stance, though). Dawkins on the other hand seems caught in his own verbosity and rudeness. Hiding behind his PhD, English accent, and Oxford Professorship, he misleads the masses with his fancy rhetoric. America has always been fascinated with this combination; even evangelicals have been known to succumb to this formula, i.e. C.S. Lewis and N.T. Wright. Though if either Lewis or Wright have hidden behind this combination, I am unaware of it. But, I have more to say about uneducated, angry Christians (c.f. The Kooks ), as well as Dawkins and other Atheists arrogance than I do about the evangelical positions, I will keep my comments limited on the first and expound on the second.

Dawkins obviously has a “god complex” since apparently any “god” besides intellectualism is ignorance (This is where hiding behind the PhD comes in handy. Whatever floats your boat, you want to be god, go right ahead. Let’s just be certain that YWHW didn’t create the water that keeps us afloat, first). I find it funny to imagine myself so intelligently advanced that I can be convinced out of anything that cannot be proven with logic. . (Though, just because I can’t imagine it doesn’t mean someone else won’t try.) Many claim that Martin Heidegger was a great philosopher, yet you can not prove his theory of Being. He not only had a “god complex” he had a “Christ complex” too, eventually seeing himself as the essence of Being. (Though, I will concede that Dawkins is a better writer than Heidegger ever was). It seems that Atheism is a far riskier position to take, opposed to agnosticism. At least with agnosticism, you cannot be proven right or wrong.

It is interesting that Dawkins claims that humanities’ do-gooding is based on primitive groups of ancient man. Since there was “do-gooding” back then, there must have been “do-eviling” as well. Logically the ability to recognize that which is good must flow from the ability to recognize that which is not. This proves that there was an ability to discern moral right and wrong from very early on. This view however treats doing “good” almost as a flaw; we simply do it because our primitive ancestors did it. But this explanation, if true fails to explain where the ability to discern good and evil came from at such an early stage in the evolutionary process. It seems that morality has been intertwined with man from the beginning.

This moral framework continues to mock the work of Dawkins. Though atheist, Kai Neilson once said, “We have not been able to show the reason that reason requires the moral point of view.” Bertrand Russell said too, “I cannot live as if ethical values were simply a matter of personal taste.” Obviously the roots of moral right and wrong can not be accounted for by the intellectuals of our day. Dawkins further talks in circles in an interview with Penn Jillette, of Penn and Teller fame. *WARNING* DO NOT watch/listen if you are easily offended or frustrated, I am NOT kidding!

In Dawkins argument the only thing that makes humans better than animals is the ability to reason. With the ability to reason comes, according to Dawkins a “moral responsibility.” But reason does not lead us to morality, as Dawkins’ colleagues have suggested. I find it funny that he uses an ethic here without any rational basis for it, i.e. “moral responsibility”. Where does this, “responsibility simply because we can reason”, come from? Do you feel encouraged simply because you can reason!? I know I don’t! His naturalistic viewpoint is disheartening and ill-conceived. Dawkins chalks man up into nothing more than random time, matter and chance. When we go so far as to deny the value in man, even the ability to reason becomes meaningless in light of Dawkins argument.

Dawkins belief in Naturalism completely denies any person’s intrinsic value. Without this value we are nothing more than muscle and tissue with the ability to reason. If this is how Dawkins finds worth, then I feel sorry for him. He is obviously a very troubled man and has made it his life’s goal to mock others and claim his “divine” superiority through knowledge and meaningless reason.

National Conference on Christian Apologetics

Hey All,
I am out of town this weekend, as I am going to Charlotte, NC for the National Conference on Christian Apologetics. It should be interesting, though I have mixed feeling about what to expect. My friend Brooks, from school, is going with me. So if anything it will be a fun road trip with him. I will update when I get back.

Peace

In Honor of Today

Since today is Voting Day I thought I would share the story of how I was registered to vote. While this may seem like an insignificant thing, the way, in which it happened to me, I find humorous. Maybe you will to, if you don't its not really my responsibility, is it. :)
As many of you know I attended Virginia Military Institute a few years ago. As a freshman Rat, any upperclassman can stop you inside of barracks at anytime. So needless to say Rats steer clear of Barrack whenever they can, but sometimes it is unavoidable.
I forget where I was coming from, but I was dress in what they call Grey Blouse. This is a uniform that zips up (actually down) in the front with a high collar. I always thought it was our best looking uniform, anyways. I was walking though the Jackson Arch of Barracks (the only arch Rats are allowed to use) where there was a table set up to my left. I paid little attention to it since I was straining (an exaggerated form of attention) I looked straight ahead and was planning on making a mad, "controlled" dash to my room, when I heard the dreaded words, "RAT STOP!!!!" I paid no attention to this since I was not the only Rat around, hoping that the Upperclassman was calling out to some other Rat I continued on my fearful way. Again another loud, forceful shout rang out in the archway, "Rat in the Grey Blouse STOP!!!!" "Crap!" I thought to myself, anyone with a brain could see that I was the ONLY Rat in Grey Blouse for "miles" around. So I was pleased to stop for the "nice upperclassman." This is the conversation that followed. "Rat, are you registered to vote?" What, You stopped me for this?, I thought. "NO, SIR" I replied quickly and politely. "WHY THE HELL NOT!?", He quipped back. I replied, "This Rat is not old enough. (Did I mention that all rats must refer to themselves in third person and I was only 17 at the time?) He retorted, "When do you turn eighteen." In October, Sir!" "Well then you’re old enough. What state are you from?" "Ohio, Sir!" "Then sign this and you'll be registered! Now get out of my face!"
While, I would have been more than willing to register without being told, I find it funny that I was forced to register, no questions, no time to think things over. "Strain and sign the papers Rat."

LA and my future

So I am leaving today for LA today. I am going to see Talbot School of Theology in La Mirada, CA. I am nervous about it but I know God is in control. The only real problem is that I may not want to come back. Oh well!

Mistaken - Warren Barfield

I heard this song on the Radio the other day and I really can't get it out of my head. Enjoy!

I shouldn't have to tell you who I am
Cause who I am should be speaking for itself
Cause if I am who I, I want to be
Then who you see won't even be me
Oh the more and more I disappear
THe more and more He becomes clear

CHORUS:
Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be mistaken

Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive

Til everyone I talk to heart His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be
Oh I need to be mistaken
For You
Lord i wanna be mistaken
Mistaken

BRIDGE:
May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life

I want Him to
I want Him to live

Mexico Pictures

I have uploaded about 100 pics from my Mexico trip. Considering I took almost 2,000 pictures these will have to do for now. I will let you know when I add more. Let me know what you think and if you want to see more, cause I won't bother if no one cares. So consider this the short show, and not the long, long show.

My trip this week

Ok so this is my pathetic attempt to avoid home work at 1 in the morning. I have had my iTunes on repeat with the same song for the past 12 hrs and I am on my forth Pepsi tonight. So hopefully I can finish this paper before the sun comes up. anyways...
I leave friday for Mexico. My grandpa is paying for it, so that makes this trip even cooler. Hopefully I will get some really amazing pictures. The three stops we are making have always been on my top places to see list, so I am very excited. Pray that everything goes well. My sister and brother-in-law will meet us at the port. But I have to drive to Bowling Green, KY on friday, then travel to Nashville on Saturday. We fly to LA then leave Sunday for Puerto Vallarta. I have to do some school reading while on the ship but the pacific ocean doesn't seem like that bad of a reading spot.
I am coming home with my friend Mike, who I haven't seen in years. Plus my sister is flying home for the week too. So I get two weeks with Linni!
Well I should go talk to you all when I get back. I wish I could take everyone with me!

Pictures of my life

Here is the link for all of the pics I have taken this past month i.e. Cornerstone, Aaron and Kathy's wedding and The Underground Picnic... Ok back to school work!

My new toy

So I thought that I would take a moment and share my new toy with you all. I have been wanting a Digital SLR for a while and since my compact digital is freaking out on me, I took the chance to finally buy the Nikon D50. My dad has a D70 and I love it but I dont really need all the bells and whistles. And the price was killer! The guy at the store told me that after he runs out of these he wont have any more until October. I went in the morning and he had four and the display for sale, I went back in the evening and after I walked out with mine he had one and the display for sale. So needless to say I am really excited, now all I need is something to take a picture of.

The awakening Part:1

(This post will make more sense if you read the post titled "The Vision" first.)
As I stare at a blank screen my prompt taints me to write, beckons me to conjure words that will be of meaning(This is day 11 of writing this). With every pause the prompt flashes as if to say, "Come on you can do better than that!" My mind runs too fast and my mouth and fingers too slow. How could I possibly put in to words what God has been teaching me? Is there some greater purpose for my feelings? And who cares! Maybe I am afraid of my mind because of what I will find when I get there. Anne Lamott said, the mind can at time feel like "a dangerous neighborhood where you wouldn't want to go alone." But she suggested that "The secret is that God loves us exactly the way we are and that he loves us too much to let us stay like this, and I'm just trying to trust that." So I change, though, I am afraid of what that means. I know I will fail at times but this doesn't surprise me and it surely doesn't surprise God.
So what does it mean to, “Pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on me?” Why do I believe “my feeble whispered faithless prayer” will ever be heard or even answered by the great God almighty? My life has been ruined to live for another, my faith has been shattered to be replaced by a greater and my prayers that where quietly sung in the dark alleys of my soul now see the power that they can carry. But how, no... why does a God so great care for one so small. A broken promise, a whispered prayer, resounding forgiveness. Forgiveness over and over again! To make the move from empty to full can be a daunting task but the unconscious move from full to heavy is even harder to bare. I don't want this move but it comes on me calling my name. "Feel my pain Robby. See those that I love, love them the way I love you. Offer them grace." In your face grace! Nothing you can do about that kind of grace it just happens, like when you fall in love. you can't help with who, it just happens. In this case God can't help but love us, and I, even in my sinful, nasty state, I can't help but love him back. C.S. Lewis once wrote, "There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal. Nations cultures, arts, civilizations-these are mortal and their life is ours as a gnat. But it is with immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-immortal horrors or everlasting splender." So I stop more now to listen istead of talking. Speak to me Father
"Be like me Robby, move with the wind. Love people, conquer evil, boast in me. For I am already the winner." "Mobile like the wind" I don't have a clue as to what my future holds but I can feel it coming, see its effects, rising like the morning sun. I pray that God will guide me through this time. He always has. I know that I can trust him more than I trust myslef. Knowing that my future is "his 3-D". I trust him because there is "more to me than I know." The poet Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote a description of Michelangelo saying, "That was a man beyond measure-a giant- who forgot what the immeasurable was. He was the kind of man who turns to bring forth the meaning of an age that wants to end. He lifts its whole weight and heaves it into the chasm of his heart." A mere man described with such passion? I can only be this type of man with your help Father.

So God, I will meet you wherever you want, walk the longest mile, swim the deepest sea, and climb to the top of the world if that is where I can meet you. I am yours and you are mine. I am mezmorized by your love, lost in your grace and carried away by your hope. I need you know more than ever. There are many doors to choose from but only one that leads to You, Abba. So I come to now, just me, no mask, just the weirdo, freakish Robby. I lay down my life for you so that I may give life to another, that other is myself. I love you!

I just want Him who made me. It is only a matter of time now until his cloud and fire guide me. "Our longing to know who we truly are will never be satisfied until we embrace solitude-not loneliness, that's a different thing-but genuine solitude where we discover that we are TotallyLoved by God."-Brennan Manning So I am going to spend more time with God than I have in the past. With his strength then I can overcome my sins instead of being overcome by them.

Ode to Blue Ice Cream

Blue Ice Cream you are so sweet
Blue Ice Cream you are a special treat
How I long to take you home
but you'd melt in the cone

I wish I could get you anywhere
But only at The Island can you be shared
You are the best ice cream in the world
For you are more precious than any pearl

THE VISION

The poem below was read today at the Underground staff meeting. It really hit me hard. I can truly identify with these words. Maybe you can too. I really don't know how to put into words what I am feeling, afraid? Maybe. I don't know. I can feel something coming though, and I know that it scares me. The force of God and all of His plans for my life scare me. The best way to describe it is... I am coming home. It may be like when your neighbor cooks out. You may not know which way the smell is coming from but at least you are on the right street. I have been gone so long that I have forgotten which house is my Father's. But the crazy thing is that the very same Father I left is waiting for me at the front door, looking for me, beckoning me to find him. I just want to be His son again, whatever that means! I don't think that I have a clue what that truly means. Ready or not here I come. Please let me know if you have any thoughts.

THE VISION
So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this… The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.They wouldn't even notice.They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.What is the vision ?The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.A million times a day its soldiers
choose to loosethat they might one day winthe great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"
And this is the sound of the undergroundThe whisper of history in the makingFoundations shakingRevolutionaries dreaming once againMystery is scheming in whispersConspiracy is breathing…This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ? Can hormones hold them back?Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays
like a dying manwith groans beyond talking,with warrior cries, sulphuric tears andwith great barrow loads of laughter!Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive
inside.
On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed.

Seabird and an amazing night

Last night I ventured out to the Underground to see Seabird. They were amazing! I had loads of fun with all of my friends there. I was thinking as I looked around at all the people at the table where I was sitting, that God truly has blessed me. I have never really had any good friends and I was surrounded by them last night. They aren't just Cindy's friends anymore but they are now mine too. I just think that is cool. It is so good to have Christian friends that want the same things in life as you do. To be able to pursue a closer walk with Christ together is amazing. I don't know what to say, nothing profound here, just my observations. Check out the pics here.

Heavy words, busy lips

I have nothing left to say but by lips keep moving and my heart is still heavy. Help me!

-Sorry

iPod/Mac Math

So last night my iPod worked just fine. Lindsey and I watched "The Saint" (one of my favorites) on it. Then this morning I was trying to turn it on and... Nothing, absolutly nothing. It clicked a couple of times and the screen stayed black. I never got anything out of it. I thought maybe the battery was dead so I charged it in class today but still nothing. So I headed over to The Apple store and waited about an hour. In that time I decided that I want a 15.4" Macbook Pro but I am too cheap and too broke to buy it.
Anyways, I handed the "genious" the iPod and he tried to make it work but to no avail. I asked him why he thought it wasn't working and he told me that there was a dent in the back! I told him I have never dropped it hard enough to make a dent. He shrugged and told me he would just get me a new one. So all in all I am on my third iPod in 6 months and not happy. So this is what I call iPod/Mac math
3 iPods
-$29.95 For two Protective screens becuase it won't come off the old one
+Frusrtations and headaches & Gas money
+1 year service warranty :)
=
Crappy product but good service

I wish Sprint would take some lessons in customer service from Apple

My new pack

I did it! I finally did it! after three years of saying that I want to buy a nice backpacking pack, I finally just broke down and purchased one. I searched around awhile not really looking for anything specific, though I had some ideas of the features I wanted. Plus, price was the most important thing to me, because you could easily spend anywhere from $90-$500. So after searching I finally found one that I liked. It has 5,000 Cu. in of space which will allow me to pack for the whole week and is bigger and cheaper than the last pack I looked at. I got it for $89, which makes me feel as though I stole it. :) I found it at REI-outlet. I have purchased from them before and love their stores (wish we had one in Cincy) Every other site had the bag for $201+ So I think I did well. The coolest part is the exterior sleeping bag compartment, which allows me to not have to unload my bag everytime I make camp. So now that it is on the way, I will have to make some packing trips soon. YEAH! I love this time of year.
Check it out here.
http://www.rei.com/outlet/product/47994636.htm?vcat=OUTLET_SSHP_CAMPING_HIKING_SA

Two Forces

(Picture taken by Cindy T.)

Feeling lost
Searching every road no matter what the cost
Hoping that these feelings won't disapate
Knowing that somehow I'll navigate

I'll count to 10
Then some how I'll force myself to say amen
Knowing that I must fight
No matter what feels wrong and what feels right

All that I have known feels out of place
Hearts heave, plead their final case
If I step left, will you go right?
Will this flame fail to ignite

We wonder how two people can change or so they claim
We cry at how we beautifully remain the same
But as the rain falls
It hides our tears so that no one can climb our walls
To see just how surprising life is

Global Night Commute

As I awoke on saturday morning, little did I know that I was in for an adventure. Cindy and I left her house around 11:20am to head up to the Underground. We were going to meet up with the band Dizmas and go to a baseball game. Later in the evening we planned to sleep downtown on the street for Invicible Children.Dizmas rolled up in there SUV pulling a rather large trailer (minus Jon who was with his girl friend, we were all sorry he couldnt make it but I bet he wasn't). They hope out greeting us with smiles. Isaac and M joined us a little while latter and we were off to the game. When we arrived Rudy and Sadie joined us too. We parked at Longworth Hall which is some distance from the stadium, but we enjoyed the walked.
Before we headed out Josh realized that he did not have his wallet on him. He searched everywhere for it but to no avail. He called the hotel they stayed in and learned that his wallet had dropped out of the SUV and some man had picked it up. He proceded to take the wallet to the front desk, then tell the clerk that he would contact Josh. (weird!?) So upon deciding that there was nothing more that could be done, we started walking to the game. As we all walked Josh cancelled all of his credit cards and called it a loss. (Poor Josh what didn't the stupid guy just leave the wallet at the front desk?)

Cindy, Isaac, M and I all bought tickets for everyone. We sat in the nose bleed section but it was cool. I think the guys enjoyed the game (Atleast that is what they said.) The Reds won the game against Houston.Clay and I had some good conversation between pitches. As we walked out Zach and I began talking and we had a great talk about God and how he uses the worthless to do His thing. I soon began to see that the guys of Dizmas are true Men of God. They seemed to always be patient with everyone that came up to them. Most of the questions seemed to be, "Are you in a band?" But their patience was genuine. They all had there own personality and did not have to sacrifice it in order to be a part of a band. We wanted them to just be themselves, we hope we accomplished this.After the game we made the long walk back to the cars and headed for newport on the levee. We decided to eat at Dewey's Pizza but the wait was 40-50 min and we were already running low on time. So instead we decided to eat the Claddagh Irish Pub which turned out to have great food and a great atmosphere.

After dinner we went back to Longworth hall to park. We loaded up our gear and headed towards the Freedom Center for the Global Night Commute. This weekedn was to raise awareness for the Children in Uganda who are being forced to walk to a safe location inorder to be safe. They LRA (Lord's Resistence Army) is Kidnapping them in the middle of the night and making them into soldiers or sex slaves. www.invisiblechildren.com It rained the whole night and we tried to stay covered but a one tarp can only cover so many people. LOL I hope that this weekend meant somthing to people and makes a difference so that we arent just a bunch of crazy people who slept on the street one night.

(sorry for how short this is and all the typos there was plenty that happened that I could write about but after losing my blog twice, I give up!!!! Sorry If I left anyone out too)

My Plastic Spinners don't spin anymore

As things start to wined down for the semester, it seems that I lack a certain motivation to keep going. With three finals all next week, I need to find the time to study. Plus my parents are returning from Florida and I need to have to house cleaned for my Mom's High school friend who is coming to visit. I guess that somewhere inside of me is the nerd who loves to study, but right now all I can see is the outdoors nerd who loves to be, well... outdoors.
With an amazing weekend behind me, I can now focus my energy to my one chance to finish this semster well. But how the heck do I do that? Usually I can see my week ahead of me and plan accordingly but these next to weeks haven't even happened yet and they are a blur. So in reference to my title "My plastic spinners don't spin anymore." I saw an SUV yesterday who had those cheap Wal-mart plastic spinners. While understand the concept of "fake it till you make it" I don't think that this applies for here. But I digress...
The SUV was rolling down the road and while the front spinner was working fine doing its job of providing cheap "bling" the back spinner was just stagnat. This made me think about my life. I feel that as this semester rolls along I am not providing my "bling" I am merely being rolled not spun from place to place. Instead of looking cool I just look stupid.
I do not want to be the cheap plastic spinner, I want to roll with the other tires in my preverbial life. I know stupid analogy but whatever it made me think.

VMI: Reflecting on the past, looking towards the future

(Top: Leaving Cincinnati early Friday morning Bottom: Lexington, Va is full of history containing two very old colleges)

I left early Friday morning last week for Virginia. I had 400 miles that I needed to put under my car by four o'clock p.m. So armed with two Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and a bottle of orange juice I left my house headed for a place where I learned more about who I am in four months than I have learned in all of my years combined, Virginia Military Institute. Tucked away in the Blue Ridge mountains, Lexington, Va provides a peaceful backdrop which some would see as a sharp contrast to one of the toughest schools in the country. Founded in 1839, VMI is steeped in tradition. Every August the best and brightest high school graduates gather to form what is call the "Rat Mass." Over the next 5-7 months these college freshmen will prove themselves to be worthy of being called forthclassmen and cadets. This process is formally known as the "Ratline." Those who cannot make the cut will go home and study elsewhere, but those who do conform and learn the VMI way will leave with their class rings, a diploma, and the honor and pride that comes with being a VMI graduate.

While most college freshmen are consumed with parties and bing drinking, cadets at VMI are schooled in the finer arts of marching to cadences in unison, saluting, and straining. They will soon become one body and one mind all working in harmony. Over the next four years these boys will be forged into men. They will eat together, sleep together, study together, and above all they will learn to rise and fall together.

(Top:Barracks as seen from across the parade deck Bottom:Jackson Memorial Hall with Stonewall Jackson standing guard out front)

It was August 17th, 2002 when I matriculated into VMI. I was seventeen years old when I first walked through Jackson Arch as a cadet and I was scared out of my mind. I pressed forward though, armed only with the reassurance that God had led me to VMI for a reason beyond my own understanding. My goal was to become a Chaplain in the United States Army. Though as I would soon learn God's plan and my own differed greatly.

(Top: I am on the left with a few of my brother rats and while Mr. Nathan Canfield, rat challenge Cadre is laying across Bottom: Jed Tan (R) my accountability partner and Bart Payne (L) one of my Rat roommates)

Around Thanksgiving I was struck with a confusing word from God. I felt very strongly that God was now telling me to leave VMI. But how could this be? I know that He told me to go to Virginia. Why would he ask me to leave? I was supposed to stay four years not four months God! But with much apprehension I did leave VMI on a chilly day in November. I soon felt lost and confused. I felt as if I had no purpose anymore. I was soon approached with an opportunity to serve in a drama ministry in Minneapolis. Once again God called and I answered. (I often associate my life with that of Isaiah who was called by God even though he was sinful and lived among sinful people.) I spent the next fourteen months consumed with ministry. I learned a lot about life, myself, and God through my experiences with Forecast Productions. I left Minneapolis in March 2004 confused once again. If God really did have a plan for my life he had a weird way of showing it.

(Top:View from inside Jackson Arch, Jackson's inscription mentioned below visible Bottom:Barracks as seen from outside Lejune Hall)

After three and a half years of searching and wondering, God revealed himself on a hot summer afternoon at a junior high week of camp. This is another topic entirely that maybe I will write about in the future. When august of 2005 came around I once again found myself sitting in a college campus, once again a freshman. But this time things were different, I had a purpose, a calling that I could no longer deny. So while my VMI friends will graduate May 2006, I will be a junior. This is to say the least, frustrating.

I have never fully let go of the hurt and disappointment that I experienced at VMI. The rhetorical question of "what if?" always seemed to linger in my mind. What had I missed out on by leaving? Had I really heard God's voice or did I just leave because I wanted to? It was the quest for answers to these questions that led me to VMI last weekend. I wanted to make peace with my past and say hello to friends that have always been there for me.

(Top: Jed and Bart Bottom: The Old Hospital whose upper level serve as Chaplain Park's offices)

I arrived on post (campus) around three o'clock p.m. The post was dark and wet from the rain that had recently fallen. I made my way to the Old Hospital whose upper level now serves as offices for Chaplain Park. As I walked up the creaky steps I could hear Chap's voice. His door was open because he was meeting with a girl who turned out to be Jessica Fulton. She was in my company rat year, no one really thought that she was going to make it through rat year. But here she was a firstclassman and a christian now. Chaplain Park, Fulton and I spent the next hour or so reminiscing and catching up. As our conversation developed I became aware of something that would soon prove to be very profound.

The reasons for which I had believed I left were not the same reasons that Chap held. I had always thought that I had left because of a stupid prank that was pulled and I stood up for what was right and was rejected by my peers for this. Chap however saw that the reason I left was because of who I was and how I was being treated by my mentor, a firstclassman (senior). I had stood up for what was right, when he had not. I was a christian first and a cadet second. I was not going to sacrifice this for any reason. I would soon learn that my example has caused Chap and those under him to reconsider how they taught cadets to act. They could still be cadets holding onto the traditions of the school and at the same time be christian men and women.

(Top: Crozet Hall aka the Mess Hall Bottom: Inscription on the Parapit)

I had never considered that this was the reason that I left. In reality Chap's view on why I left is actually more accurate than my own. I am a Christian first no matter what. VMI was making me sacrifice this. I am in no way saying that those who are cadets cannot be christians. I am say that the be a christian in the world is hard; to be a Christian in a military school is harder and there is a need for it to be taught and takes a special person to accomplish this. Yes, God had different plans for me. I questioned what was going on at VMI and maybe that is why God sent me there. I do not know. I now think that my time there was not in vain as I had for so many years.

I took Tan and Payne out to dinner that night, then we went and got ice cream. It was really good to see them. They seemed to be doing really well. I hope that these to men will continue to be my friends over the years. We should all be so lucky as to have men of such character next to us.

I left VMI saturday morning for the first time finally content and at peace. God had showed me that the "what if?" was his territory. I was in His hands and I had nothing to fear. I think that Gen. Stonewall Jackson said it best when he said, "Never take counsel fo your fears." This is written above the tables in the mess hall for all the see as they eat. I have often thought of his words and found comfort. I left, finally not broken, wanting to return the next August for the Rat line but rather proud that I spent time there. I am comfortable saying that I am not a graduate of VMI. But I am an Alumnus. For that much I will forever be thankful to God because His path led me the post of VMI, where boys become men and God reveals Himself to those men, like me.

I am sure that there is much more that I could write about this but I will close with this. Another quote from Stonewall Jackson is forever inscribed for all to see as they enter barracks, "You may be whatever you resolve to be." I remember this as I approach each new day, seeking to be what God intended me to always be, HIS.

Making an attempt for perfection

I will now be blogging here. Hopfuly this will be easier to use than than myspace. I am changing simply because the format on myspace annoys me. I will make notifications on myspace however to inform all who read my updates.